Upcoming Films of 2011

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Well sorry if you were expecting another film review but I felt I 'had' to flood your brains with upcoming films of 2011. As you probably already know, there are hundreds of films set to be released in 2011 but I'm only going to list the films I will be splashing the cash for.

Sequels is the key word for 2011 , what with Michael Bay's 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon', Disney's 'Pirates of the Caribean' and Todd Phillips 'Cars 2'. A few highly anticipated superhero films will also have high dominance on the big screens including 'Thor', 'The green Hornet', 'Captain America: The First Avenger' and 'Green Lantern'.
Please leave a comment on this post or on my Twitter and let me know what films you cant wait to see.

P.S if its going to be something like 'Justin Biebers life story (3D)' then please re frame from posting or ever viewing my blog again . Thank you :)

January 2011

Jan 1st - Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage - Action/Adventure/Fantasy - (Come on you must have memories?)
Jan 7th - Season of the witch - Action/Adventure/Fantasy - (Cast includes Ron Perlman and Nicolas Cage)
Jan 14th - The Green Hornet - Crime/Superhero/Action/3D - (Slightly Skeptical about this still (PG-13))

February 2011

Feb 4th - Sanctum - Adventure/Drama/For 3D - (A film about a huge underwater cave system, Rated R)
Feb 18th - Big Mommas:Like father, Like son - Comedy/Sequel - (Not for all , Quite funny)

March 2011

March 11th - Battle: Los Angeles - Fantasy/Action/Sci-Fi - (Alien Apocalypse type film)
March 25th - Sucker Punch - Action/Drama/Fantasy - (Kill Bill meets Alice in Wonderland)

April 2011

April 15th - Scream 4 - Horror/Suspense/Thriller - (Scream... Could be a PG-13 , such a let down...)
April 29th - Fast Five (Fast & Furious 5) - Action/Adventure/Sequel - (The Rock, Vin Diesel, Tyrese Gibson, SungKang and Paul Walker... Immense)

May 2011

May 6th - Thor - Action/Adventure/Superhero - (Looks freakin awesome...Marvel)
May 20th - Pirates of the Caribbean: On Strangers Tides - Sequel/Action/Adventure/Fantasy - (Brand Power).
May 26th - The Hangover 2 - Comedy/Sequel - (Funny as!)

June 2011

June 3rd - X-Men: First Class -Action/Adventure/Sequel - (No Wolverine... may be a cameo, new mutants though)
June 17th - Green Lantern - Action/Adventure/Superhero - (Looks...Neat)
June 24th - Rise of the Apes - Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Reboot - ('Could' be a good prequel)

July 2011
(Didn't include Harry Potter, I actually still need to see most of them)

1st June - Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Sci-Fi - (Kick ass CGI flick with a huge budget)
22nd June - Captain America: The First Avenger - Superhero/Action/Adventure - (Looks epic)
29th June - Cowboys and Aliens - Action/Drama/Adventure - (It is as the title describes.. Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford)

August 2011

Aug 5th - The Darkest Hour - Sci-Fi/Action/3D/Horror/Suspense - (Not allot of info on this yet but going by genres)

September 2011

Sept 9th- The Apparition - Horror/Supernatural/Thriller - (Unsure... needed to bulk up this month. Could be good)
Sept 16th - Johny English Reborn - Comedy/Sequel/Family - (Rowan Atkinson...The first was a classic)
Sept 16th - Piranha 3DD - Horror/3D/Sequel/Adventure - (Yes the title is a crude reference to a bra size...lol)

October 2011

Oct 7th - Red Steel - Drama/Action/Sci-Fi/Adventure - (Futuristic boxing... Interesting... Hugh Jackman)
Oct 14th - The Thing - Action/Sci-Fi/Adventure - (I cannot wait for this... A prequel of the 1982 version)
Oct 21st - Paranormal Activity 3 - Supernatural/Suspense - (Need to see number 2 but number 1 was brilliant)
Oct 28th - Dibbuk Box - Thriller/Suspense/Horror - (Haunted box...Evil curse. i like the sound of this film)

November 2011

Nov 11th - Immortals - Drama/Action/3D - (A Mythological tale ... Gods and men vs titans and barbarians)
Nov 11th - 11 11 11 - Horror/Thriller/Suspense - (Could be a clever film)
Nov 23rd - Arthur Christmas - Family/Animation/Holiday/3D - (There has to be a Christmas film, and this is set to be a good n')

December 2011

Dec 16th - Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol - Action/Adventure/Sequel - (Impossible not to like...?)
Dec 23rd - A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas - Comedy/Sequel/3D - (Lol)

PLEASE NOTE: More films will be announced within 2011 , and I will do my best to update this post.

Film names , Release dates are subject to change. If you would like to make a complaint , tell someone who cares :)

Severance (Simpletons Review)

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Click here for 'Severance' trailer

Film : Severance
Format: Standard Def
Run time (approx): 96 mins (Approx)
My Rating (out of 10):  6.5
Genre: Horror/Comedy/Thriller

**Contains Spoilers**


Film Highlight: The fact that a decapitated leg is hard to fit in a mini fridge.

This film was on TV the other night so I decided to watch it , knowing that Danny Dyer starred in it I was extremely skeptical.

Severance is a black comedy slasher movie from the director of 'Creep'. In my opinion it is more of a slasher/horror than a film like 'Hot Fuzz' which relies more on the comedy aspect, there are a few elements of black comedy but in terms of balance horror wins it. The film is based around a team of salesmen/women (the times we live in, I cant go taking chances) who take a trip to Eastern Europe  for a team building weekend, well the team building certainly kicks in when they find themselves fighting for their lives against a group of random Eastern European killers who will not stop until they are decapitated, burnt alive or dead.

Generally a 'stellar' British cast including Danny Dyer,Andy Nyman, Toby Stephens e.t.c. I have nothing against Danny Dyer but how he got his 'hard man' status is beyond me , it can only be his accent because he looks like a 5ft puppy. The role he was given in this film was awful , how a waste of space druggie works in a multi-national Palisade Defence company is a mystery. All I'm saying is a different actor with a different character background could of made this film funnier than it already is. (Please don't hurt me Danny).

This film is quite clever , it provides gripping suspense, enough 'blood n' guts' and a great story , whilst in keeping with the comedy and silliness. Your either going to find this film hilarious or your going to be on the edge of your seat in suspense.

At the end of the day...
-Gripping horror/comedy flick from a stellar British cast
-Good as a comedy, Great as a slasher
-For 'Shaun of the dead' and 'Hot fuzz' fans

Piranha 3D (Simpletons Review)

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Click here for 'Piranha 3D' trailer (HD)

Film : Piranha 3D
Format: Cinema (3D)
Run time (approx): 88 mins (Approx)
My Rating (out of 10):  8
Genre: Horror/Comedy/Thriller

**Contains Spoilers**

Film Highlight: A crazed raver determined to escape the massacre powers up a speed boat and plows through at least 15 innocent people in a horrific way..lol. Oh and 3D tits...

Firstly I would like to state that this film is an 18 cert. if there was a higher cert. then I'm sure it would be there instead. This film is literally blood, guts and tits (women's tits). I wouldn't call this a film 'for the family' . Piranha (3D) tells the story of what happened when an underwater tremor releases thousands of man-eating/cock-eating (if you've seen the film you know what I'm on about) piranhas from their enclosed breeding ground, a group of unlikely strangers (lesbians, porn stars, heroes... the usual) must 'join forces' to prevent death from these giant prehistoric creatures.

At this point I usually talk about the cast , but I think I've your taking any notice of who's in this film then your watching it for the wrong reasons (of course Kelly Brook is an exception though). Christopher Lloyd (Back to the future) and Richard Dreyfuss (Jaws) are featured in this film however you cant really find them in amongst the breasts and blood. There are also allot of good looking babes including Kelly Brook (and her curves) , Riley Steele and Jessica Szohr (the amount of bras and bikinis that are in this film easily reaches triple digits). Kelly brook acts superbly ... (in her lesbian underwater scene), other than that the acting isn't A-list style (but its not meant to be).

I guess its easier for me to use keywords and tags at this point because it really is just a gore filled, hormone charged, adrenaline ride with a hint of comedy and gags. The CGI wasn't great but I was hardly expecting it to be, it was good enough keep me entertained. The blood , guts and gore were so realistic (apart from the penis), some of the audience in the cinema were on the verge of being sick , I personally found it rather tame but occasionally looked away when no one was looking. The whole story was predictable but then it was never going to be another 'Jaws film'.

The 3D was worth paying the extra £2 for but some aspects were bad for example the exact same underwater foliage was shown around 4 times to show off the power of 3D , it was monotonous after the first time. To balance it out some 3D parts of the film were brilliant such as the piranhas swimming straight at you or the zip cable that came swooping out of the screen and resulted in a women getting sliced cleanly in half.

At the end of the day...
See this film if...
- Your a guy (or a girl of course, no discrimination here...)
- Your not homosexual
- You love blood,guts and gore
- You loved 'Jaws'
- Your not going to take it serious
- You love 'Girls gone wild'

The Losers (Simpletons Review)

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Click here for the 'Losers' trailer (HD)


Film : The Losers
Format: Blu-Ray
Run time (approx): 93 mins (Approx)
My Rating (out of 10):  7.5
Genre: Action/Adventure/Crime

**Contains Spoilers**

Film Highlight: Learning that Chris Evans had the ability to shoot and kill people with the old childhood trick of turning your hands into guns.

The film is about betrayal and revenge (No not Rambo style this film is a 12A FFS). A elite special forces crew is sent to complete a search and destroy mission in Bolivia but discover that they have become the target of a vicious double cross by a man named Max (very high up in the world). They manage to escape death and are presumed dead , now they must listen to a vicious operative to get revenge.

The Losers star Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen), Chris Evans (Fantastic four), Idris Elba (The Wire) and Zoe saldana (Avatar). Whilst we are on the subject of cast , I just want to point out the uncanny resemblance of Zoe Saldana and her character in Avatar (Neytiri) , you would recognize her straight away. Jeffrey Morgan is a great actor and performed his role right down to a Tee, Chris Evans (NOT the ridiculously annoying radio 2 presenter) contributed highly to the comedy aspect in this film and Idris Elba played the "BBG (big black guy)".

This film isn't brilliant but it is VERY entertaining, if you are expecting a brutal action flick with a hard plot then this isn't your film but if you just want some laughs,entertainment and cheesy cliches then its for you. The whole thing is very predictable from start to end (you know when the hero will come to save the day), the "bad guy/villain" is too camp and hilarious to be evil and some of the moments in the film just couldn't happen in real life (to a stage where you start to cringe). Its based on the comic book novel and the style of the film doesn't stray away from that fact for example , slow motion action and live action style credits. This is a film you probably wouldn't remember after watching it but it still contains enough entertainment and action to be classed as an action flick (final sequence heats up the movie).

I watched this on Blu-Ray and the explosive action, vast scenery of the Bolivian jungle and Jensen's pink t-shirt are of stunning picture quality. Definitely worth a watch in Blu-Ray.

At the end of the day...
-An entertaining action flick which could be watched with the "lads" if the footy isn't on.
-Full of laughs and cheesy cliche lines
-Enough action but not your 'Rambo' or 'Shooter'
-Worth a watch

Monsters (Simpletons Review)

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Click here for the 'Monsters' trailer

Film : Monsters
Format: Standard Def (Cinema)
Run time (approx): 94 mins
My Rating (out of 10):  5
Genre: Drama/Sci-Fi/Thriller

Film Highlight: The opening scene (the military lay siege to a hulking octopus), oh and Whitney Albe with short hair (hot stuff). 

**Contains Spoilers**

Yes....... 'Monsters' , judging by the name of the film, trailer releases and the genre of this film you would presume this is gonna be a kick-ass monster/alien film. Nahhh, it should of been called 'What happens in Mexico , stays in Mexico'. OK so if you don't know what the films about let me explain ... actually I wish i did too? based on IMDB, six years ago NASA found out that there are alien life forms within the solar system, a probe was sent to collect samples and then crashed on its way back in central America, after this 'mis-fortune' new alien life forms start appearing and half of Mexico is quarantined (at last !) . To date they have somehow managed to contain these gigantic aliens within Mexico. But wait ! that's not the main story , a man must escort a women out of Mexico to the US border (oh yes i know what your thinking , DEEP).

Before I start slagging this film off , well before I slag it off anymore I must stress the production budget of this film was $15,000 (no i didn't forget 4 zeros) . Filmed on a Sony EX3 with a Nikon 50 MM Lens, 2 main cast members and the effects were done in Adobe CS4, editing in Premiere.

The cast Scott McNairy (Herbie, fully loaded) and Whitney Albe, oh and a bunch of middle-aged overweight Mexicans play their roles well and the emotional attachment between Samantha and Andrew is very believable (the fact that they're partners in real life might have something to do with that). Andrew is very likeable and Samantha is extremely good looking (one of the main reasons i kept my eyes on the screen).

The film had no real explanation behind it and went downhill as soon as it started , the opening scene is all the action your gonna get maybe a few gun shots later on but that's it . The main block of the film was about this journalist trying to get into bed with a US tourist (and LALALALALA he never get THIS) a peck on the lips and a one night stand with what looks to be a hairy bloke is his only achievement. The lack of monsters/aliens makes you ponder whether the film was named ironically. We get to see around 4 giant retarded looking octopuses 8 shots of tequila and 1 grown man running around Mexico in his underpants if this sounds good to you then please , be my guest. If your looking for a action packed monster film without a love story then AVOID.

At the end of the day...
-An extremely low budget goes a long way here ... its worth watching just to see how $15,000 made this film. 
-A film not on the level of Cloverfield but better than 'Mega shark vs Giant octopus'
-A film well acted yet tediously boring
-Unique and original